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The world is changing and life is busy. Here are some guidelines for modern etiquette dilemmas:
Do not make the mistake of thinking that an e-mail replaces a hand written thank you note or a personal telephone call.
Don't delay in sending most notes. Generally notes should be sent within a week of receipt of the gift or gesture.
The interruption of a ringing cell phone during a luncheon meeting or a social function is terribly intrusive and answering calls is terribly rude. Unless you are expecting a very important call, shut the phone off. If you must take the call, let your companion know in advance that you will need to take a call and excuse yourself when the call comes through.
Be direct. If you don't have time to talk, say so. If you cannot stay, say so. If you cannot attend a function, say so. Being polite but direct will get you farther than evasive and rude. Do not commit to something if you know you cannot possibly follow through. You're only creating a difficult situation you'll have to solve later.
Introductions need to be done speedily, accurately and politely. As a general rule of thumb: men are introduced to women and juniors to their elders. Married couples are always presented singly in their own right, such as: ‘May I introduce Harry Happy. This is Sabrina Silly.' It is also useful, especially when introducing diffident types, to add a short prompt to the introduction, such as: ‘ Harry has just come back from Cuba.' If you are introducing a married woman who still uses her maiden name, then it is recommended to make some reference in the introduction, such as: ‘This is Harry's wife, Serena Stoical.' When introducing someone to a member of your own family, it is important to make the nature of the relationship clear: ‘I don't believe you have met my sister, Caroline Clever.' When introducing people to older distinguished people it is still gallant to employ the old-fashioned technique of bringing the ingénue up to the grandee and saying: ‘May I introduce my old friend, Billy Bright.'…
Dining Etiquette 101
Place your napkin on your lap, completely unfolded if it is a small luncheon napkin or in half, lengthwise, if it is a large dinner napkin. Typically, you want to put your napkin on your lap soon after sitting down at the table. The napkin remains on your lap throughout the entire meal and should be used to gently blot your mouth when needed. If you need to leave the table during the meal, place your napkin on your chair as a signal to your server that you will be returning. Once the meal is over, you too should place your napkin neatly on the table to the right of your dinner plate. (Do not refold your napkin, but don't wad it up, either.)
Is the bread plate on the right or the left? Which glass is mine?
The bread plate is placed on the left along with the bread knife and the glasses are placed on the right starting with water, white wine red wine and lastly dessert wine. Remember: Solids on the left, liquids on the right
Finger bowls are not as common as they once were but they are often encountered in a formal dining setting. They are usually offered before or following the dessert course. They are usually identifiable because they will have a small lemon wedge floating in the water. Once you are presented with one, all you need to know is that you should delicately dip your fingertips in the water (no scrubbing), dry them off with your napkin (equally delicately), and set the bowl to the side of your plate.
What do I do when I don't want to swallow something I already have in my mouth (such as an olive pit or a piece of gristle)?
If it went in with your fork, it should come out with your fork and likewise with your hands. Move it to your tongue and onto the fork and deposit it on the rim of your plate. No one should notice you doing this, because the fork to mouth motion is a common one made by anyone who is eating.
How should soup be consumed?
Dip your spoon away from yourself to fill your spoon with soup. Rest your spoon periodically. When a service plate under the soup bowl is provided, always place your spoon on the service plate behind the bowl. If no service plate is provided, obviously you rest your spoon in the soup bowl. Used utensils are never placed on the table. Sip quietly. To finish the last bit of soup, you may slightly tip your bowl to fill your spoon.
Etiquette is designed to make others feel more comfortable and to show respect for the occasion and the people you are around. You will always be a welcome guest if you are polite and considerate of others.
